Peace Family Agreements
Practical ideas for co-parenting after separation.
Explore communication and everyday routines to consider after separation. Every family's circumstances differ, and some situations need additional professional support.
Hailee Penno, limited licensee.
Licensed by the Law Society of Saskatchewan for defined family-law services.
The foundation of healthy co-parenting
Separation is a significant life change for everyone, but it doesn’t have to mean ongoing conflict. Co-parenting is about two parents working together to raise healthy, stable children, even though the romantic relationship has ended.
These ideas are a starting point for thinking about routines and communication. The arrangements need to reflect each child's needs and the family's circumstances.
Core co-parenting principles
Children come first
All decisions should be made with the child’s best interests in mind. Politics, blame, and grievances between parents take a back seat.
Respect and civility
Treat your co-parent with professionalism and respect, even if the relationship was difficult. Model respectful behavior for your children.
Clear communication
Use straightforward, child-focused communication. Email can be helpful for keeping tone neutral and creating a record.
Consistency
Children thrive with predictable schedules, clear rules, and consistency between both homes. Align parenting approaches where possible.
Flexibility
Life happens. Plans change. A willingness to flex and accommodate reasonable requests builds goodwill and models adaptability.
Protect the relationship
Both parents remain important. Never criticize, undermine, or speak negatively about the other parent to or around the child.
Communication tips
- Keep it child-focused. Stick to topics that affect the child, schedule, health, school, activities.
- Use neutral language. Avoid an accusatory tone. Email works well for this.
- Schedule conversations. Avoid spontaneous heated discussions. Plan time to talk about important matters.
- Listen actively. Understand your co-parent’s concerns, even if you disagree.
- Never involve the child. Don’t use children as messengers, spies, or emotional support for adult conflict.
- Respect boundaries. Your co-parent’s personal life is their own. Focus on shared parenting responsibilities.
- Admit when you’re wrong. Model accountability and the ability to change course.
Tools that make co-parenting easier
The BIFF approach
When a message is tense, keep your reply Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. It lowers the temperature and keeps the focus on the child.
A shared calendar
A shared calendar keeps schedules and appointments in one place. Co-parenting apps can keep messages and schedules together.
A written plan to fall back on
When something is unclear, a clear parenting plan answers the question for you, so you are reading the plan instead of re-litigating the past.
Handling common flashpoints
- Schedule changes. Agree on how much notice you will give and a simple way to request a swap. Goodwill now earns flexibility later.
- New partners. Introduce changes gradually and keep children out of adult decisions. Focus on stability.
- Different house rules. Homes do not have to be identical. Align on the big things, such as school-night bedtimes, screen limits, and homework, and let small differences go.
- Holidays and special days. A written rotation for holidays and birthdays removes the yearly negotiation, and the disappointment that can come with it.
Have a question about this guide?
The guide is available above without an email request. You can send an optional enquiry to Hailee about your next step.